Female Empowerment

In honor of March being Women’s History Month, I wanted to write about female mentorship. I knew I wanted to talk about this topic, but I was unsure what I wanted to say. I kept going back to this one photo taken while I was coaching for a summer swim league. The swimmer was about to take the block to race, and I was giving her a confidence-boosting pep talk. I tried to do this with each swimmer before their races so that they knew I would be cheering for them and because I did not want them to get too in their head before they raced; that time was always the most nerve-wracking time for me as a swimmer. She clenched her fists and flexed her muscles because she was strong and ready to go. It slowly caught on with the team, especially the girls who looked up to me, showing that we were strong and capable. All I wanted from the kids I coached was for them to do their best. It wasn’t about winning or the other people; it was about putting in the effort to get their desired results. If you got a personal best but came in last, that should not lessen your accomplishment of getting a new best time. I wanted to teach them that you had to be happy with whatever your best was, and I wanted them to grow to love the sport as much as I did, to have that love and happiness come from within themselves.

I will never forget when the moment came full circle. I was about to swim a crucial race, and I looked down at the end of my lane. There, I saw all the kids I coached flexing their muscles at me, and I did it back. At that moment, I realized they were listening, and it resonated with them. Even as I am writing this now, I am tearing up because I wanted to be the coach that rooted for them and showed them that they were capable of whatever they put their mind to. Nothing is as powerful as a woman who believes in herself. The next most powerful thing is when someone believes in her too. Although, I think it is important to note that usually, I looked more like the picture on the right. I would cheer so loud for my swimmers I would not have a voice the next day. There is an important message here: we must be the change we want to see.

As empowering as it was to coach and be a role model for these young women, it has been as empowering to be surrounded by incredible women in the workforce. So many names come to mind when I think of just absolute corporate powerhouses. Most of them have also graciously tackled the task of work-life balance with their family and career. They create safe spaces to discuss mental and physical health, emotions and aspirations. They are uplifting, nurturing, strong and commanding.

I think the best way to describe the collective leadership style of these female role models is what was coined: the velvet hammer. “Simply put, a ‘Velvet Hammer‘ is a woman—at any level in an organization—who gets things done, and done well, by leading with grace and eloquence. She has let go of trying to make what works for her male counterparts work for her. Instead, she leverages her perspective as a woman to gain the trust, enthusiasm and support of her team. She is direct and impactful (a hammer) yet softens her approach with her innate diplomacy, compassion and warmth (velvet).”

These women are breaking glass ceilings and paying it forward to the next generation. I saw a great quote that said, “I urge every leader and manager to exercise the power they carry – hiring women is only one part of the solution. The second part is ensuring they get the right opportunities and their potential is fully tapped by leveling the playing field.” With this, I also think it is important to note the men that help empower women in the workplace, whether it is being cognizant of inherent biases or acknowledging the difference in experiences for each gender. I feel much more seen when I am allowed to have my authentic voice.

I had a moving experience recently when I said that I often watch my messaging and delivery in meetings because I do not want to be perceived as bossy or b*tchy. Some of the women in the room agreed and said they had similar experiences. What was memorable about this conversation was that a male coworker asked what he could do to make meetings a safer space or be an ally for women in these situations. Something as simple as being aware of how someone feels or their experiences can change your perspective and actions. Going forward, I will use that question as a grounding place to be more aware and a better ally for marginalized communities I may not be a part of.

I want to leave you with my quote of the week, which I believe closes the article most eloquently.

“The success of every woman should be the inspiration to another. We should raise each other up. Make sure you’re very courageous: be strong, be extremely kind and above all be humble”.  – Serena Williams.